a look back — 10 years ago

Over a decade ago, I must say that I came from a very sheltered household.

I say this because my parents showered me with a form of love that kept me from realising that the world was much bigger than just myself. This meant that I grew up spoiled and self-centred. I grew up thinking that the world revolved around just me, myself and I.

As I progressed up to Primary School, I was thrown into an environment where I had to learn the hard way that I was not the centre of attention. It was hard to change my whole perspective of sharing and losing when I was always given the best as the youngest child of three.

Progressing up to Secondary School (ages 13 to 16), I went through a lot of ups and downs. I found who my true friends were and made a lot of mistakes while learning. Even then, my childish dream was to fit into a category of someone that I was not. This meant staying in an environment that I was forced to be in, to be made to feel like I was inadequate and to feel like the thorn amongst the roses.

This was the start of my journey to self-development.

Lessons on people worked out in my favour with the guidance of my charismatic father who placed people over profits and he knew how to make others smile just by making them feel good about themselves.

My father was my first mentor.

I was 17 when I started self-reflecting on life. And I mean self-reflecting on a large scale that changed my whole perspective. If you’d known me 10 years ago to now, I would say that I see the biggest change in myself in intangible ways.

I slightly suffered from anxiety when I was 17, to the point where I used to think that people were looking at me. I enjoyed having every little bit of attention and I loved being the centre of attention, but at some point I would start to feel as though I was embarrassing myself and it sparked a whole great deal of anxiety inside of me that I used to cry to myself because I felt embarrassed.

I joined the emcee club to overcome those hardships but it took a turn for the worse when favouritism played up and I was once again, made to feel inadequate. I started to seclude myself from groups when I realised that I preferred to work alone. The people around me noticed the difference and while some felt sorry for me, I didn’t feel sorry for myself.

It gave me time to reflect on myself. It gave me time and an opportunity to really understand why life was the way it was. I used to think about why it was happening to me and how I could change things. I would take a two hour walk walking from one end of the city to the other end just reflecting on my day. I started people-watching — my favourite past-time now.

People-watching gave me the perfect opportunity to really learn how interactions worked. I watched how everyone impacted everyone and I learned that while I was no centre of attention, I could make significant impact on people’s lives.

I wrote my first post on human interactions back in 2016.

I wrote this while people-watching and when I asked my father to read it, he said it was an impressive read and he was proud of me for writing something like this.

This motivated me to write more and more about human interactions, psychology and people. The more I wrote, the more I started to understand. I became more emotionally intelligent because I self-taught myself why things happened and why things were the way they were.

As time went on, my views on life started to change.

When something wasn’t going my way, I stopped crying over it and asking myself why my life sucked. Instead, I looked at it and asked myself, “What can I do to change this situation?”

This helped me react better in situations. My motto in most situations now is “If there is a solution, there is no need to panic.” This frustrated my mother a lot because her understanding differed from mine, and while there was nothing wrong with how she looked at life, it clashed with my own outlook because I knew that there were always solutions to every problem in life.

While my outlook improved, my self-esteem did not because I had still not found myself. I was still trying to be someone I was not.

This changed as I moved to Australia and my father, my first mentor, passed away. It got worse over time when I met my first boyfriend. He emotionally abused me for months and despite advice from close friends and family, I let him come back to me over and over again which caused my self-esteem to plummet down even further.

The moment I found strength to completely remove him from my life, my self-esteem skyrocketed. I started to perform at work. Within two years, I had my “glow up” in a physical and intangible sense. I got into a traditional business with my mother and it became clear that I was good at it and had a huge talent for it.

It also helped that I was a rational decision maker as a result of my emotional intelligence from my self-reflection over the years. My motto “If there is a solution, there is no need to panic” became a big influence on my decision-making and my relationships with people in business. It showed them that I was grounded and professional.

Now, I have new mentors who are ready to mentor me in life, business and relationships.

I have new obstacles to overcome and I’ve quickly identified them as I try to work it through with them. I don’t stop learning and my respect for my new mentors grow each day because of how far they’ve gotten in business and in life and they teach me to dream bigger. They teach me to manage and discipline myself and they teach me more life lessons than I could imagine myself to have.

In 10 years, I’ve seen a significant intangible change in myself.

In 10 years, I’ve gone from victim-mentality to open-minded.

In 10 years, I’ve understood that life is a lesson in itself and you never stop learning.

A look back, 10 years ago.

the average millionaire

As I write this, I need to make one thing clear: I am not a millionaire.

But I want to be one. I’ve read books on wealth, books on money and money is basically a lifestyle choice that you make. It’s hard to get into it but mindset changes things.

I once read somewhere: “The average millionaire has at least 6 streams of income.”

I thought to myself, “Wow, how the fuck is that even possible?”

It actually is. It actually is and there’s so many possible things you can do that can make you a millionaire and it is all actually in your mindset. What you think is what you manifest and what you attract — so attract the right things and the right lifestyle.

After some intensive research on how to make more money/multiply your income streams, I’ve come to the conclusion that the following makes your wildest dreams possible:

  1. Main Income — This is your main source of income that pays the bills. This would mean your day job; your 9-5 job that everyone hates and wants to quit but they can’t because it pays the bills.

  2. Stocks — Stocks are the future. Robert Kiyosaki once said, “Why would you save your money while they keep printing money?”

    Essentially, $1000 about three decades ago would’ve bought you a brand new car but $1000 now would buy you a beat up old car that won’t even run. Inflation never stops and it never waits for you. Investing in stocks grows your money with the market. It never goes back down and it is a great source of income — granted it takes 30-40 years for your wealth to finally show but when you’re consistent, you are growing old to retire without caring as much about a pension as the average poor people do.

    A tip: Stocks do not count as your daily income/wealth until the stocks are liquidated, or in simpler words, in cash. Stocks often come in as well, stocks. They’re not real “money” until you sell off those assets but like I said before, stocks are better off held for 30-40 years because that’s where the money comes in.

    What you invest in can be the biggest game-changer. If you had invested in Microsoft in the 90s/early 2000s, you’d be a millionaire today. Invest wisely.

  3. Real estate investment — this is the most passive income one can think of. Buying a house and renting it out, or buying a house and even renting out a room can make a difference.

    A fact about real estate that I really enjoy telling everyone is that unlike stocks, when the market crashes (which happens at least once every five to ten years), real estate will NEVER stop. People won’t just move out of their homes just because the stock market crashes. You would lose millions from the stock market crash but when that happens, people don’t decide they don’t need to live in a house anymore. It is the safest form of passive income you can find but it is also the slowest because you would receive probably only $200 to $2500 a month but only pocket $50 to $500 after paying off your mortgage.

  4. Business — Creating your own home business is a “make it or break it” but if make it, you’d be your own boss but if you break it, you would lose everything you had.

    Here’s a pro-tip: The future is about new ideas. Don’t come up with recycled ideas because when society moves forward, we look for new inventions. Old ideas slow down when people no longer use what you’re selling and you want an idea that is going to last you decades.

    An example of old ideas — Toys.

    Toys’r’Us closed down their last store recently because kids don’t play with toys anymore. Parents get iPads and iPhones for their kids on their birthdays now and as harsh as the truth may be, toys are an old idea. We want to move forward with technology and we need to keep up.

  5. Dividends — Dividends are closely related to stocks but only select companies pay dividends to their stockholders. You can do some research on them.

    Dividends are paid every quarterly (most of the time but it is different for every stock) and it is usually in percentage of what stock of theirs and how much of it you’re holding. Sometimes you can be paid from $2 every quarter to at least $200 if you own more. Dividends are for the rich but there’s nothing wrong with getting an extra special $2 now, is there?

These are essentially the main sources of income one can have. There are way more, way way more and I haven’t talked about online advertising, cryptocurrencies, or even sponsoring. Instagram is also a good way to monetise your posts but we’re not going to go into that right now.

Like I mentioned before, wealth is a mindset. Following the correct Instagram account and hanging around the right people can change the way you think and it changes everything you ever know, including how you looked at life and people.

I once read a post on one of my favourite Instagram wealth pages which loosely said:

When you’re struggling to pay for rent and live the life that you want, don’t ask yourself how you can spend less money. Ask yourself how you’re going to make more money.

This post changed my whole perception of money and I never looked at it the same again. Wealth is perception and only the poor spend it on things that don’t make them money.

Spend your money on assets that make you more money, AND THEN spend your profits on luxury things that you want.

This is one of my favourite posts to write as of date because I get so pumped up talking about wealth and making more money, and I’d love to hear insights in the comments.

wealth, health, fitness & lifestyle

I think it’s about time I turned the tables on the game and looked forward to writing more about improving our quality of life than to reminisce about the past. In my previous posts, I’ve written melancholy stories of my past lovers, family and mental health. The past remains important but why dwell on it when our goal should be to move on?

In the last three years, I’ve made the biggest changes to my lifestyle and I’m always changing it for the better. I have had people who I used to come to for advice ask me for advice for skincare tips or some have even positively commented on the fitness of my body after recently starting to go to the gym when they had started going way before I did.

I want to be able to help people with that and I feel like blogging may be the best place for me to do — this, as well as a separate Instagram account to my personal one.

Whilst I may not have the best advice (which I am always open to listen for constructive input from others), these actions/routines have done wonders for me and I’m confident enough to add on photos to show others my progress.

Every day, I’m learning and every day, I want others to do the same. This will be the game-changer for all of us.

Are you in?

i think jealousy comes in all forms

Jealousy comes in all forms and I’ve just felt the most platonic kind of jealousy one can feel for their friend. It’s not the kind that makes you want to stab The Other Woman or cry yourself to sleep in bed because you loved them so much and the jealousy makes it painful to deal with the truth.

No, I’m talking actual platonic jealousy.

Last year, I met someone who I really wanted to date. I was moving on from a painful breakup just a week after — a bad idea, I know — but after three weeks of pretending like everything was sweet and sound, we both realised we weren’t cut out for the romantics. We decided to remain friends but we were close friends because obviously we knew each other on another level but the relationship remained platonic.

Months later, I asked him if he wanted to try at the dating scene again between us both and again, he said no, his feelings haven’t changed.

Fair enough and I accepted it.

So what is this jealousy I’m feeling recently?

He told me he was seeing someone recently and as happy as I am for him because he’s been single for far longer than I have been, I can’t help this feeling in my gut. I’m not in love with him as much as we wish we were because he is the perfect man for any lucky woman. He is mature, tall, proper and smart. He guides me in ways that I never had anyone guide me and he teaches me things that my dad would’ve wanted to teach me once upon a time.

I’m jealous at the thought that I lacked something that his new love interest had.

Maybe it’s the age. Maybe it’s the experience. Maybe it’s the maturity but all I know is that I feel this form of jealousy that a woman could be perfect for someone like him when I’ve struggled to keep my relationships close knitted for more than two months.

I’m jealous of the relationships he has because I’m still trying to find my own. I’m jealous of not being enough for the right person or wrong person and I’m jealous of having romantic relationships instead of platonic relationships.

No, I am not in love with my friend but I am jealous of these relationships that he has. Our relationship is so platonic that all I really want is something that he has because I want one for myself too.

There are different forms of jealousy — and not all are evil. Some are sad and some are just painful to deal with. I might cry myself to sleep tonight in bed but at least I know it’s not because someone is hurting me.

22

The day I turned 22, I realised that a lot of things have changed.

I realised that as I sat in the same living room with someone I tried to date not once, but twice, and how platonic it sat between the both us came the certainties of our relationship. I realised that while we weren’t together, we were in this together — how he took care of my heart when it was broken by other people over the course of almost a year that I’ve known him and how he searches for ways for me to leave toxic, co-dependent relationships around me. He takes care of me in ways that I crave but without the romantic attachments and I realise that I found a gem when I thought I lost one prior to meeting him.

I realised as I sat in the same car with a potential love interest that meeting people outside social media and dating apps is possible. The first and definitely not the last. As we sat listening to music and talking about nothing important in particular, I realised that relationships transcend beyond appearances, age and time. Being 13 years older than me had no effect and he certainly did not make me feel small for my age in comparison to his. He smiles when I say something outside of our generation gap and when we clash, he smiles because he accepts his age and I accept mine. The understanding that nothing will ever happen between us stands clear in our relationship and when we both understood it, neither of us broke each other’s hearts.

I realised when I sat in the same room with my family that we break apart but we don’t abandon each other. We seek for our own personal space and companionship and if it means finding ourselves by ourselves, then we do it. I realised that if it meant sacrificing our own sakes for the sake of others then so be it.

I realised how much I’ve grown. Over this quarantine period, I’ve almost sent text messages to my ex-boyfriends and I stop myself — a feat almost impossible in the months before I turned 22. This is the growth that I didn’t think I needed, the path to another form of redemption for myself because of the things I did and hardships I put myself through over the last few years. I had always tried to go back to toxic relationships and this time around, I have the strength and discipline to tell myself that I deserve better than someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

22 is the age of luck, at least to me. It reminds me that as we grow older, we grow up and make better decisions. It reminds me of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned over the last years. I wish I could describe the things I’d learned from the start to the finish but it wouldn’t be enough to express my feelings and the journey I’d undertaken.

I’m excited for 23.

where am i now?

At age 19, I lost my father to an accident that changed my life forever.

At age 20, I received two book offers from independent publishers to independently publish a book that I had taken three years to write — and I turned them both down.

At age 21, I became a business owner along with my mom for a famous American franchise and we are currently one of the top performing stores in Australia.

At age 22, I still do not have my diploma.

A lot of people say that education does not define where you stand in life and I agree, it doesn’t. Where I am now, I never needed a diploma or a degree but it doesn’t take away any credibility of those who have achieved those certificates. They worked hard — so did I and together, we form a society.

So where am I now?

I don’t have a diploma and yet I run a business beside my mother with a lot more potential to go further and I beg that the rest of society awakens their hidden potential as well. Where are we now and are we on time? We are never on time unless we run because when you stop the hustle, you stop your growth. That’s where I learned that we never stop growing and we never stop learning.

Am I still hustling to receive my diploma? Yes, I am still going to classes for it and every day that I think about giving up, I think about how close I am to the finish line and I think about it everyday that I work hard for it. I have all these dreams that are unrealised and they take nothing but time so all I can do is take it step-by-step.

After all, I turned down two offers to independently publish my book because I wanted to do it traditionally.

After all, I am a business owner beside my mother and I have learned so much more this year than I did in the last decade.

2020 was the biggest learning point for me. I think about all the trivial boy problems that I have as a growing young adult and I think about how little value they add compared to what I’m doing as a life career.

My next goal is bigger than what I am today. I want to be able to create jobs in lieu of the recession from COVID-19. Am I able to perform this act? I believe so, because after all, I am where I am today because I hustled.

the effects of having ‘money’

Money can either bring the worst out of people or the best. But most times, it brings out the worst. Money can make people say and do the most horrible things out of spite, jealousy or in some instances, expect.

Why is the word expect in italics?

I can’t emphasise just on how many relationships and friendships were ruined because of expectations. These expectations caused the downfall of our relations but I can admit that these downfalls were needed because without them, we would still be living a toxic life.

My family is not by any means, rich. We do however, live a comfortable life. We do not have to worry about where our next meal is going to come from and we definitely do not live pay check to pay check. So we live comfortably. We have nice, comfortable cars and we live in a nice comfortable home.

However, after the death of my father, the true faces of relatives and friends come to surface. The inheritance from the death of my father prompted these people to develop the mentality that my family was ‘rich’ and to be fair, I understand their sentiment but at the same time, we are not ‘rich’.

We live comfortably. We don’t spend more than we need to and we make sure we can afford something before we do something.

A relative of mine once expected my mother, the holder of the inheritance, to pay for the adoption of a child for her. She expected us to buy him new clothes, new luggages and new everything. While we were kind and would love to extend our help, it only goes so far to a certain extent. Our help is not limitless.

My mother is a single parent now who is widowed. She needs all the money she can get and if this money is all that she has now, then she has much reason to deny anyone help.

A ‘friend’ of ours who we barely know and barely knows us pushed us to open our own business and hire her as one of our own because she refused to look for her own employment. During the coronavirus crisis, she expected limitless hours and refused to settle for less than what we could afford. She often told us about her financial problems as if looking for financial help and not once did she appear concerned about the decline of sales during the coronavirus as she had the perception that we had money.

She sees all our comfortable cars and strives to buy one just like ours even when she cannot afford it.

None of my family show off our wealth. We don’t drive upper class cars like BMWs or Mercedes cars. We drive average middle class vehicles and yet, people look at us as though our wealth is all but nothing.

There is a saying that comes in different forms — don’t show off your wealth because at the end of the day, we all get buried in the same coffin.

But what protects us ‘wealthy’ people who do nothing but remain modest? How are we supposed to treat those that treat us as ATMs even while we live a comfortable, but tough life? We are surviving but not for long.

No one sees it from our point of view. Our wealth is not limitless. It does not live on forever. We may have ‘money’ now but what about the next 30 years?

The effects of having ‘money’ can cause you to lose relationships because of how people treat you. They say that people treat you better when you have money but I say the opposite. People treat you worse especially when they’re comfortable enough.

i hope this is my last

This is a great day to remember, of all the days in my life.

I’m sure of this one, not because he is the first person who genuinely wants to be with me and isn’t because of other childish reasons that I would’ve come up with many months ago to convince myself. I’m sure of this one because of myself — the one thing that had been pulling my past relationships back and this time, I’m sure of myself and this time, I’m sure with him.

These last two years have been a whirlwind of terrible times, relationships and friendships. I’ve had to deal with so many toxicity that when I removed them from my life and left them in 2019, I feel like I’ve never been in a better position than I am today. I’ve molded my very being into a woman that I didn’t think I could be.

I hope that this relationship is my last. I hope that I never have to find someone else again because I’m sure of this one. I once said that I wanted to marry someone I only knew for a month but if I knew what I know now then, I would’ve thought differently. Not because he was a bad person but because there was someone out there who was willing to give me more.

Before today, I never knew what it was like to be wanted by someone.

I was always on the chasing end of a one-sided relationship but this one is equal on all grounds. We both want to be with each other and we both want to make things work. I was always open to the idea of a long-distance relationship but he was the first of us both to suggest to me that we should give it a shot, even when I tried to deny all possibilities of it because I was afraid.

He’s not embarrassed of me as how my past flings have been. To say that he would show me off is an understatement because I know he’ll do more than that. I think of him as someone important to me — a treasure that I want to keep forever and a gem that I want to protect from this world.

I have had my bad share of relationships before and I couldn’t heal from the trauma of my first boyfriend. It affected all my relationships after and I couldn’t learn to function in a healthy relationship but this time, I feel like I’m at my best. I thought I couldn’t unlearn all the toxic traits that I had picked up from him but I have and I am learning everyday how to pick myself up and be a better woman.

The woman I was 10 months ago, begging for a boy who showed me my first healthy relationship even when I could not live in it has now evolved to a woman who understands what she deserves and what her partner deserves.

I think a “thank you” is in place for some people.

my soul search

I’ve done a lot of soul searching in the last few years.

When I say “a lot”, I really mean a lot. It’s taken a great deal for me to find out what I’m really made for and it’s not what it seems. I thought my calling was to be a writer for my passions always pulled me closer to the edge than anything else but it wasn’t my passion that brought out the best in me; it was the one thing that I never liked doing.

Leading is apparently my forté but I never thought that it would’ve been my calling. I don’t like it as much as I thought I would because the responsibilities are far too much for my liking but I’ve completed more than what people my age — at 21 would have done. I like to think that I’m a successful woman but I am far from that and I still have much to learn from the business world.

“Don’t let it go to waste. You have a talent,” is what my mother always tells me. I tell her that I don’t like this life and she tries to convince to use this gift that I have.

I never liked business. That is a given. It was never my thing but my talents have brought me further than what most people are capable of and it is a gift that I would truly be willing to let go to waste just so I can spend it on my passions for writing.

Soul searching is an interesting term. I did a lot of that in the last few years. I started when I was 17 just starting fresh in a new school and I had isolated myself from a group of friends whom I felt were far too materialistic and unreal for me. I never felt like I could truly fit in so I isolated myself and from there, my journey to soul searching began.

I discovered my passion for reading at a very early age but my passion for writing was a whole new level — a skill that I never knew I had and I fought to improve it over the years. I first realised I had a knack for writing when I wrote a post on this very blog in 2016, when I was 18. The post is long unpublished now but it was one of my best. My father had read it and he told me that I wrote well and I had this talent that shouldn’t go to waste.

I began writing my first book then. My first, real book and it was 32 chapters long with over 100,000 words. It took me almost two years to finish it and it is still one of my proudest works. I never got it published even though I had two offers to independently publish it and I never went through with it because I wanted a traditional publisher. That was how much I wanted it to be done right.

It’s been almost three years since I’ve finished that book and even to this day, it still lays somewhere on the internet, unheard and unpublished. I wait for the right time when I finally get to see it on the shelves and I pray for an opportunity such as that everyday.

I have immense knowledge and skill in many categories and some may think that I’m sucking my own tit but I am talented in more ways than one. Even to my small, 5’0 body, I can accomplish more things than people older than me could but the thing is, I don’t want to hold that much power and responsibility.

Being good at everything means nothing but expectations and failures. Being good at everything means that the whole world looks to you for an answer even when you don’t have one. You’re bestowed this power and you don’t want it.

I can’t describe the number of times I’ve thought about death. It’s the one few times that I spend my days alone and I just think about what if I just disappeared. My mind reels at how everything would fall apart because everything depends on me as a person and all I am is a 21 year old girl who wants to live her best life and be a person on my own. But with these responsibilities and people looking to me for answers, I feel a sort of suffocation that I shouldn’t have to feel at my age.

But I do.

My passion is writing. It is a sole activity that one completes on their own but my talent for leadership and my skills are needed and sometimes, having too much feels like too much. Sometimes I think about death not only to imagine life without me but also to end this feeling of suffocation that I relieve everyday of my life.

I don’t brag. People around me know that but this is the truth about myself. I searched my soul deep enough to discover the truth about my own life and it is that I’m a leader with these skills that I don’t want and these expectations on me when I just want to live and survive on my own.

I think about how I never got a proper, normal dating life until my father died and it was one of my worst experiences of my life. I was 18 when I had my first boyfriend and I wish I’d never met him because of the pain and trauma he caused me. I had to grow up after that.

My gifts may be beyond what an average person would have but they do still stop somewhere because I could never unlearn the abusive behaviour that my first boyfriend showed me and it has impacted my life greatly to a point that it affected the rest of my relationships. I’m still learning to heal but two years is far too long for me to try and understand what love truly is when it’s not pain and hurt.

The only time my soul connected with someone was once last year with someone I barely knew and even then, I wanted to marry him. But all good things come to an end and I spent the last nine months trying to connect with someone else to no avail, and only with my last unsuccessful attempt to date someone did I realise my true problem.

My insecurities and failure to put my trust in someone had affected my ability to love someone. I wanted to deny that I was damaged but I was far more damaged than my partner was and he had gone through so much more than I did. But while he learned to heal over the years, I was learning to project myself onto him.

It was toxic behaviour and it hurt when I learned that I was a toxic being in his life but nine months later and I’m still learning. Slowly but surely, I try to understand. Slowly but surely, I find my true calling.

I am a natural born leader and I know what I bring to the table. Boys may be afraid of that but I know that if people like him existed then there would be someone else who would be willing to hold my hand while I lead. My worth was taken away from me several times throughout my life by people who didn’t know my potential but I see what I bring to the table and I see what I can achieve.

My love life has been a failure but like I said before — my talents stop somewhere and love is where it stops.

But I know somewhere in my soul searching that I’ll find the answers. I’ve found my calling and who’s to say that I won’t find the answers to love.

One day.

protecting my peace was the best decision i ever made

The title of this post says it all.

Protecting my peace was the best decision I ever made. In between the struggles of dealing with my father’s death, my first ex-boyfriend, losing the boy I would’ve truly wanted to marry and my best friend, I settled on this peace in my life that I never knew could exist.

Sure, problems do still persist — the ups and downs of home life and school but this is the most peaceful I’ve ever felt mentally.

Ever since those unfortunate events unfolded in my life, I’ve found myself easily cutting people out of my life and I find myself growing mentally healthier as time goes. I used to stay in a place because of my desperation to fit in but I never knew how toxic a place could be no matter how much you wanted to be in it.

I think about my choices every now and then. I think about what could have been avoided and I think about the things that I could have said that would have made people stay but I think about the times they made me feel after and if they loved me, they wouldn’t have done what they did. It’s hard to cut people out that you truly cared about but when you do, the peace that comes after is serene.

I wish I could describe what I’m feeling now.

This feeling of content doesn’t come unblemished. I periodically find myself feeling lonely, craving for the emotional bonds I used to have with certain people but at the same time, anger slowly sets in followed by the meditation I do to forgive myself for allowing bad things to happen to me. It’s a circle that doesn’t seem to end but when I find my peace each time, I strive to protect it.

I’m sitting in my living room now writing this post. I feel the loneliest that I could ever feel, not because of the lack of romantic partners or friends but for the people I had to cut out to feel what I feel today.

It’s well-deserved but it doesn’t make me less sad or disappointed.