stop apologising for playing big

My last post was dated October 28th, 2021.

Over a year has passed since my last post and how much has changed since then? I can write many letters to all my ex-lovers and write cheesy love notes to the people who broke my heart but at the end of the day, I think I shortchanged myself more than anything.

In the last 12 months, I have been on a journey of redemption and self-worth.

What I thought was a risk-taker found me the love of my life and the courage to take Life by its throat and show who’s the boss! But whilst success in my relationships and family shone big and bright, I suspect that amongst us are peers who struggled with the similar successes.

I cannot count how many fingers on my hands that I have lost specific friendships as our values did not only align, but also because I was setting goals and standards too high that we were no longer matching our energies.

How often have I allowed myself to be treated so poorly by the company around me? How often have I forgiven people for not valuing my time and the friendship I hold dear to myself because I failed to see my self-worth? Just how often have I attempted to reconcile with friends and people that did not have their best intentions with me?

Approximately 16 months ago, I entered an association that blessed me with mentors who saw myself fit to be part of something big and greater — leaving a legacy behind for the people who shared our values. In return, the people who weren’t for me, isolated me. The friendships and relationships that I tried so hard to mend did not mend because I have people who stood behind me and taught me to be bigger and play bigger.

I will not apologise for playing big.

Playing big means something bigger for the family that I want to have and live for. Playing big means breaking the cycle. Playing big means that my family doesn’t suffer the way I did. Playing big means that my partner in life works together simultaneously towards a goal and achieve it together as a team.

I cannot imaging playing small just because it upsets a few people. I cannot imagine playing small because why am I to trade my future with my family for the sake of some that don’t have the best interests in me?

Just because they don’t like you playing big doesn’t mean you start playing small.

Having faith is seeing it before you see it.

This is for myself, whom I have shortchanged all my life as I have tried to bend to mend relationships and friendships that were not for me.

To my lover, who has stood beside me all these months growing bigger and taller as he cast a roof over our dreams and moulded our future.

To my associations, who hold the thousand pillars that make our home.

And to my family that I will become, we will never have to apologise for playing big now for the rewards that we reap later.